Anxiety and depression can be considered two of the most common mental health issues in the world. Both men and women can suffer from these issues, and we need to break the stigma surrounding men and mental health.
The fact that mental health for the most part seems to only be talked about by women from women’s perspectives makes it seem like men’s perspectives on mental health are non-existent. This could not be any further from the truth.
A lot of men feel like they have no one to talk to, especially because of the stigma surrounding men and mental health. The stigma is that they have to act tough and can not show emotion; otherwise, they are considered weak. Due to this, some men do not show emotion often but when they do, they have a harder time letting it out, due to the “act tough” mentality.
“Man up” – “Don’t be such a pussy” – “Emotions are a weakness”…. The chances are that if you’re a man, then these are the attitudes that have surrounded you from a very young age, probably starting with “Boys don’t cry”.
The sad reality is that these attitudes are far more damaging than helpful – damaging to mental and emotional health, and ultimately can be the root cause of relationship breakdowns in both work and home life. Instead of openly talking about how they feel, men are encouraged to “get on with it” and “power through”, and that taking your foot of the pedal of pressure demonstrates a lack of commitment – which creates a culture of competitiveness and aggression that does far more harm than good.
We program the man socially and raise him to surpress their feelings from such a young age such being tough , dont show your emotions ,dont cry like a girl etc..so they become emotionally repressive.
Most women need emotional connection in order to feel safe and comfortable enough to have sex.
Alot of men need sex in order to feel emotional intimacy
What eventually happen is the wife has emotional needs from her partner but he is socially conditioned to surpress his emotions since he was baby, he eventually grow up to be detached from himself emotionally so he literally cannot understand what his wife is talking about, for him thats a strange language which he see it just as nagging.
Men think that they can share love and emotions just through sex, whereas women because their emotional needs aren't being met, they loose desire of having sex with her man. And whats ends up happening most relationships fail or one of them go cheat to meet his/her needs.
“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his ability to affect those around him positively” – Bob Marley
Let’s face it, women naturally have more friends than men do, but it’s also fair to say that men usually keep the same group of friends over a more extended period. Yet, men are prone to keeping the conversation light and void of feelings when interacting with their male counterparts.
We would rather talk sports than feelings!
To be clear, this isn’t a man vs woman debate. It’s more of an acknowledgement that, as men, we have a long way to go when it comes to some of us having open conversations with our friends.
I have a small group of men with whom I am comfortable sharing and vice versa, but to say it was easy to delve into that area of conversation would be a lie.
I remember feeling a sense of anxiety when I first shared my struggles with my friends. My stomach was churning, my hands were clammy, I was a complete wreck, and this is a feeling I shouldn’t have had because these men were my friends. Yet, it wasn’t easy. Why? Because it’s unusual, dare I say borderline unacceptable and often discouraged for men to talk about their feelings and express Vulnerability. That is one of the reasons why many men commit suicide. Unacceptance blocks the open space to express themselves.
I believe this is one reason we need to have a group of men supporting us. It can be a group of strangers who become friends or a group of men with whom you have already fostered long term friendships. However, it looks, we all need a safe place to speak about things that bother us or the struggles we have or are facing.
I am always surprised when a topic arises in the monthly HOAM Men’s groups, and so many of us find relief in knowing there is someone else who feels how we feel. There is a sense of comfort when another man says, “Hey, that happened to me too!”
If you are still not sold on the idea, here are a few of the many benefits of having a solid group of men around you:
They help you to become a better partner, father, friend
You learn how to be a better communicator
Discussions help with getting things off your chest
It’s a judgement-free zone!
Aids in the development of Emotional Intelligence
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
I am challenging men who have a solid group of friends to open the conversation beyond sports and light chit chat and dive deep into matters of the heart. Allow yourself to hear and be heard. Challenge yourself to feel and experience the freedom of Vulnerability. It can save a life.
This problem needs to be addressed in all areas of society, from workplaces to home life. It’s a fact that if you allow people the space to explore, name and address their emotions, they are far more easily able to manage them, and those of others – which means better conflict resolution, better communication, and ultimately happier people who feel heard and understood. Something has got to change to make this a possibility for men, just as much as it is for women.
Sources :
Kasia Murphy & Donovan
To explore more, contact me, let’s talk.
Joe Turan
- Life Coach
- Tantra & Kuscheltherapeut
00436643884305
www.joeturan.com
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