What is sensate focus?
I teach this technique during couple therapy, and I also apply it in individual sessions, particularly in cuddle therapy and Tantra, to enhance intimacy and emotional connection.
Sensate focus is a technique used to improve intimacy and communication between partners around sex, reduce sexual performance anxiety, and shift away from ingrained, goal-oriented sexual patterns that may not be serving a couple.
The technique, developed by Dr. William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson in the 1960s, consists of a series of touching exercises that a couple completes in a sequence. A major aim of the exercise is for the partners to let go of their expectations and judgements of mutual touching, and instead focus solely on the sensory aspects of touch like temperature, texture, and pressure. The idea behind sensate focus is that it allows the couple to relax and be mindful of the sensual touching experience, without being weighed down by preconceived ideas of what “should” happen. Sensate focus has also been described as mindful touching, or non-orgasm/non-arousal focused touch.
I recommend sensate focus to couples who want to address problems related to body image, arousal, desire, orgasm, premature ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction. However, it is important to note that these problems can also be caused by an underlying medical condition, so it is a good idea to complete a physical to rule out other potential causes of sexual dysfunction before getting started.
Sensate focus is about touching and being touched — two distinct activities. You can maximize the potential of sensate focus by beginning without preconceived notions— of what you will experience, how it will feel, how much pleasure it will produce. In other words, begin with an open mind so as not to color your experience and feelings. Try to avoid being judgmental or evaluative. Judgmental thinking boxes us in: Was it good? boring? ecstatic? Evaluative thinking— judgmental thinking that occurs as something is happening, not when it’s over— is even more selfdefeating as it puts you in the position of being an observer rather than a participant. Observing brains are blocked from experiencing; they think too much and feel too little. Instead of judging or evaluating, try to simply “be” and “experience.” Notice what’s happening in terms of physical feelings. By simply noticing how your partner’s skin feels (smooth, rough, warm, moist) you avoid evaluating and are able to simply focus on the experience. Sensuality vs sexuality Set the stage for sensuality rather than sexuality. This means that no matter how turned on you might become, please consider “off limits” the touching of genitals or breasts, having oral sex, intercourse, or other type of sexual involvement. This “prohibition” sets a clear focus on the sensual side of touching as a distinct entity in its own right. It also serves to remove any pressure on either partner to respond in some particular way. In addition, it allows for new discoveries and avoids ingrained behavior patterns. Many couples f ind that time spent on the sensate focus process can be a useful and pleasant way to reawaken their own sensual (and sexual) feelings. Try these exercises when both partners are relaxed, rested, and feeling kind toward one another. Do you best to ensure privacy and reduce distractions. Allow 30 to 40 minutes to practice. Note: These exercises rely upon extensive, unimpeded skin-to-skin contact. Nudity is optimal, but if it’s not possible, avoid constricting clothing.
To explore more, contact me, let’s talk.
Joe Turan
- Life Coach
- Tantra & Kuscheltherapeut
00436643884305
www.joeturan.com
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